There are two things I learned from my parents. I learned to be a patient mother and I learned to be a hard worker.They must have done something right raising me,, since I didn’t come out that bad. I mean I’m an asshole by all means, I cuss without even trying, and I drink like a college woman at a frat party.
Everything else in between was a life lesson, so I vowed I would teach my kids what I wish I would have been taught to me when I was their age. My methods are unconventional at times and I tend to be a little bit more -um- abrasive when it comes to dealing with my kids. But as a mommy of two I have learned what works for me.
I’m not perfect by any means. I’m not a suburban house mom or a trophy mom or a mom you’d say you wanted to be like. I’m a single mom. I am trying to maintain my hobbies, while raising boys, while working, while learning new things to change careers, while trying to find love. So, yeah, what works for me might not work for you. However, if you feel as lost as I do sometimes, here is a look in on my parenting skills.
Mommy’s Crazy Week
As a mom, you have no right to privacy. Try it. I dare you. You have nothing! None. It got so bad for me once, I had sex while the kids were in the same room. They were still young but you get the point. Momma needs her Daddy time. Anyways, when I was in the bathroom one day, cleaning up the river of blood that seeped between my legs, Maki became curious. He asked why I was bleeding. I believe that if a child asks a question, it’s because they are ready for the truth. I tell my kids this all the time. It’s a way to teach them to really think about what they want to know. There are some things better left unanswered. There are some things that they need to ask. Also, I’d rather teach my child than have someone else fill my child with their opinions of the world.
So, I explained to them what ovulation was and that women bleed out of their vagina for a week every month. During which every woman will have different emotions all in a week. I advised them that if they didn’t want to get yelled at for no reason at all, they should just wait until I ate. Which really, is the only safe time to ever really talk to me. I explained how my emotions can be kind of extreme at times to which Yoshi replied, “Is that why you were crying when we were watching Gilmore Girls?” Now I let them know when my crazy week is coming and they are very sweet and leave me alone. They even bring me food and let me watch TV. Do I sometimes abuse this? Yes. Ofcourse I do! THEY LEAVE ME ALONE! Anything to get the TV to myself and not have to answer their 500 questions that I don’t even know the answer to.
Food is Key
After work I am greeted by three hungry faces: Yoshi, Maki, and Pluto- our cat. By far the easiest to satisfy is myself and then the cat. If you read my 30 before 30 post you’ll see that cooking for my kids is one of the 30 things I want to do. It isn’t that I don’t know how to cook or I can’t afford it. I just don’t have the patience to think up a menu and ask my kids and go through the whole fucking process of making them each a dish. Although, that’s what ends up happening. I started with a food calendar, I wrote what we’d have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (Yes, I was making them lunch!) But then it got exhausting and trivial and annoying. These little monsters would tell me they didn’t really want the sandwich I made them so they ate the school lunch instead. Yoshi eats like a grown man, which would be fine if he wasn’t fucking ten years old!
I thought of what my mother would do. She would make a large dish and leave it there. She wouldn’t cook anything else until we finished it. And I wish I could do that but I’m the only one who eats the fucking left overs anyways. So, I thought fuck it. My kids have learned most of their habits from me. This is another one I passed down. I cook what I want and they have their choice of eating it or learning to make something simple themselves. So far they’ve learned to make eggs, pancakes, ramen soup, macaroni and cheese, and spaghetti. Give them a microwave and they can make more. Yoshi tends to the stove more than Maki because of their age but they got it down. Not only do they understand how tiring it is to fix a meal for themselves, they’re learning to be independent.
I remember weekends as a kid. They were awful. My mother would force us to clean or worse my dad would play his Spanish music loudly. We’d be forced to get ready for church on Sundays. UGH. I just wanted TV and cereal. Then as an adult they got worse! Weekends used to consist of my children waking me up at 6AM to tell me they were hungry. During the week they were only hungry at 8PM, which was right before bedtime. All of a sudden Saturday hits and they act like they’ve been starving all week long! So, I taught them to clean. Each time they woke me up at 6AM, I’d start cooking eggs or pancakes and give them each a chore. Clean the windows! Sweep! Dust the cabinets! Wash the dishes! It got to the point that they no longer bothered me. In fact, they went out of their way to let me sleep.
Yoshi: “What are you doing?”
Maki: “I’m hungry.”
Yoshi: “Nooo! I’ll get you cereal!”
Words of Wisdom
I’m not that wise but I know a few things. I’ve learned a lot and am still learning. The first thing I learned was patience. That’s very important, without it we’d end up burning the house down. Mom’s are not meant to hold the world together. We are only human. Take it one day at a time, think about the mom you want to be and try to live up to that as best as you can. Realize that when I say ‘the mom you want to be’ the keyword there is YOU. Don’t be the 90’s mom or the suburban mom or the do-it-all mom. Be the mom with a sassy tongue and classy shoes. Be the mom that’s always tired because she works a lot so she has to sleep in the mornings. Be the mom that doesn’t participate in school PTA meetings because she doesn’t understand shit about them. It’s okay. As long as your kids know you love them and they love you, it’s all going to be okay.