My Life as a Professional Sidechick

         When I discovered Shadow cheating on me I had a ton of thoughts hounding me for weeks. My mind began to pick apart this woman with such haunting curiosity, I was convinced she was better than me. She knew he was with me. She knew we had a family. She even knew our problems because Shadow  had to run his fucking mouth. I didn’t understand why a woman would want to get involved with a man who was taken. I wanted an opportunity to ask her, although at the time I really wanted to bash her head in so maybe not the best time. Turns out I didn’t have to wait long for an answer. The mysterious way of life provided me a perfect opportunity to find out what being a side chick was all about.


Tequila

        When I first met Tequila I was in a stage of redefining myself. I had broken up with Shadow. I had my own apartment, good job, and the kids were being kids. I was doing good. I also had a sex guy. I don’t care who you are, you should always have a sex guy. It helps the mind think straight. After he got a girlfriend I ran into Tequila. He was hot, and chiseled, and funny, and so many good things. Most importantly he was carefree, at least that’s how he presented himself. I was surprised he was single. Then I was surprised again when I found out he wasn’t. He said he loved her and that was different than having sex. Sex wasn’t love. 

Well, with that fucking logic how could I resist? He proceeded to finger me in the club we were at. Which would’ve been okay, if we weren’t accompanied by his friends and our coworkers. It was the first time something like this happened to me. I didn’t know how to react. I enjoyed it. It wasn’t horrible. Tequila was actually very good at pleasing me and I’m not just saying that because he might read this. I didn’t ask much about his girlfriend or relationship. What was the point? I was only there for the attention and the fun times. Tequila taught me how to enjoy the freedom of a poly amorous relationship. Although, I’m not sure the girlfriend knew about it but I wasn’t going to tell her.

That’s when I learned that the responsibility of telling the gf of the existence of a sidechick was left to the boyfriend. Friends don’t tell. It isn’t their business to tell. His friends knew about me.  If I had gone up to his girlfriend and told him about our midnight adventures, I’d be the wrong one. Not only would I be wrong for fucking him, but I’d be crazy for trying to come between them and break them up! It seemed an unspoken rule of the lifestyle. It was fun while it lasted but he decided to marry her. I don’t mess with married men. I can respect marriage.


The Fuckbois

As my quest to enlightenment continued on, my path was littered with a lot of Fuckbois. These little roaches crawled out of their holes trying to nab a piece of the pie. Any woman can be a sidechick it doesn’t take much. All you really need is a dick with a girlfriend. The professionalism comes in when the sidechick has standards. Oh yes ladies! From the Fuckbois I learned that you can take all you want without giving anything in return but a simple ‘hello.’

We all know how annoying Fuckbois can be. They hold little to no value to me. They are easier to ignore than to engage in conversation. And so there I was, minding my own business when some Fuckboi messaged me. He began like they always do; a compliment, a simple ‘hey, how you doin.’ There are two ways to deal with a Fuckboi: ignore or entertain. I chose to entertain him. I was bored. Why not? They wanted to waste my time, I have no problem wasting theirs. In seconds I was flooded with compliments.

My eyes, my lips, my body, I was a Goddess brought down from the heavens. Yeah, I know so much bullshit. It was nice. Who doesn’t like a compliment? Even if it is all lies, it felt nice to have someone like my selfies and admire me. They offered food and dates. Some of them even offered money. I accepted at my leisure. When the topic of repayment was brought up I quickly, and quite cruelly, brought up their girlfriend. I didn’t threaten them. I’m a lady not a snake. I would simply ask them if they were happy with their girlfriend? Did she know he was friends with me? The reaction was great to watch. They’d shrivel back to their holes mumbling something about ‘we weren’t doing anything wrong.’ From the Fuckbois I learned I could take as much as I wanted with out giving an inch.


 Kneecaps

Every now and then, one of these guys like Tequila or a Fuckboi would get too comfortable with me. I, in return, would get too comfortable with them. And when you haven’t had sex in a while, the snack can start to look like a meal. So, in order to avoid sex goggles, I decided to pick a sex guy. I’m not all for multiple lovers. My days as a swinger were only to be enjoyed with Shadow, but more on that later. Since the days of Tequila I hadn’t had a consistent lover. There was maybe a one night stand once or twice but mostly a dead sex life. All of my admirers lived in my texts or Facebook. I have a high sex drive and getting a sex guy was as necessary as drinking water. It’s healthier but if it isn’t readily available I’m not going to die right away either.

Kneecaps is a guy from a previous work whom I chose to hookup with, after a little encouragement from my Wifey. Sex with him was the most vanilla sex I had ever had, at first. He is very hot and I knew he had potential. So I promoted him from Fuckboi to Lover. We had very good times. He even cuddled with me after sex every time. I believe he ruined it for the rest of the men out there who had me on their list. It was after him that I decided to retire from the Sidechick profession. Not for love but for something more.

He brought me to his ex-sidechick’s house. We were to meet up with his friends for brunch. He assumed it would be cool. Cool it most certainly was not. I would love to tell you that I got into a fight and whooped her ass. Chick fights are a guilty pleasure of mine, I blame the hood or my cousins. But no. She confronted him and asked if he was fucking me, to which he of course said no. . .in front of me. A few emotions I didn’t expect filled me from head to toe. I saw myself in her as I had been with Shadow. I felt torn. I had finally understood what being the other woman meant. I also knew it wasn’t my fault and they weren’t together but she loved him. I also felt hurt at not being acknowledged, which was weird since that’s the number one rule of a Sidechick. I assume Kneecaps lied to spare her feelings and decided I’d be best to direct the damage to.


Final Thoughts

Fast forward a couple of months and I decided I couldn’t live that life anymore. I’m looking for the real deal now. My hoeing days are over! Or at least talking to a bunch of guys about how pretty I look and how much they would love to see me naked. (They’re guys, of course they want to see a woman naked–unless they’re gay.) My advice on being a sidechick, do it while you’re young and do it with integrity. Also, follow these don’t’s to avoid any drama:

Don’t

  1. Take any leftovers (ex’s from family or friends)
  2. Be a hand-me-down (date within your ex’s group of friends)
  3. Talk to married men

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