#15: Start a Blog

Anticipation


I’ve been wanting to be a writer ever since I learned how to write. As a child, I would drift away into a world of my own making. They weren’t just daydreams they were an escape. I love Stephen King and his ability to share his universe with others. I longed to be able to share more than emotion through my written words. I wanted a following. I wanted to become as immortal as Sandra Cisneros. I began writing on an old Mac computer my father bought once. I haven’t stopped since. One day I’ll finish the novel I started so long ago, but first I must become a writer. So, I’ve been biding my time, gaining wisdom through life. Waiting for the right moment. I saw it as a sign when I met Kat. I don’t believe in coincidences, I feel that things happen as they are meant to happen. I’ve begun so many projects but never felt the excitement I feel now. The anticipation of starting a new blog and having it come to life has been haunting me for years!

Secrets


My first choice in a blog before this was writing short stories. I wanted to put myself out there. Maybe an agent would like my writing and offer me something. Then 30 Before 30 was presented to me by Kat. It sounded better. Although, I find it difficult now. I wonder what my friends and family will say if and when they read my posts? I wonder how they’ll treat my secrets? I wonder and worry if they will see me differently? And if so, in what new lighting? I listen to the way they describe me and I’m afraid I may not be able to keep up with the high standards they hold me to. They say I’m strong and brave and honest. Hard to see that in myself when I cry at night or when I struggle to stand on my own two feet. To my friends and family, I hope you stand behind me as you have been. There will be things you won’t agree with and that is natural. Just remember I am still Lina or Eva, whichever way you know me, I’m still me.

Blog


I am nervous and anxious. I am ready to succeed and I am ready to fail. I am ready to learn more. I’m glad that I don’t have to do this alone. It helps me keep focus. I’ve started so many projects and never finished them. They felt empty to me. They felt like a dream that belonged to someone else. I learned to snowboard because of Shadow. I took to riding motorcycles because of Kneecaps. I tried adding cycling to my hobbies as well. I enjoyed them, they were small adventures but they weren’t me. They weren’t things I picked. I know that I am meant to be a writer. I know this is something I am meant to do. I appreciate you coming on this journey with me. All I can really say to you, the women reading this, is do not give up on your dream. It may not become reality right away but it will at its own time. Don’t give up on it. Giving up on it is really giving up on yourself and that’s not something you want to live regretting.

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