I have a couple of girlfriends that are either beginning or stuck in the cycle of letting HIM go. They get into a fight and then get back together but soon it turns into more fights than good times. They want to let go but they can’t. It’s very hard. It was for me. So, for my dear friends who are going through that break up here’s a study guide on how to best let him go.
1. Love Him
This one may be the easiest since you may be freshly separated. I want to say try doing this in a day but that’s unrealistic. Take anywhere from 1 to 2 weeks but don’t go longer than that. That can lead to depression. Within this stage, allow yourself to love him, to miss him. Think about him every single day. Stalk his Facebook, call him, keep a journal where you write to him everyday. All your love. All of it. Pour it out.
- Get violent
- Go on a drinking binge
- Go fuck other guys-not just yet
- Isolate yourself
2. Block Him
When I had to let Kneecaps go, I had to block him on everything. I knew that if he was able to get ahold of me, I would fall back into the same pattern. I am unable to do so with Shadow as we have a child between us. Things only got confusing before they got better. So, on every channel that connects you make sure to block him. Don’t delete his number, block it. Tell your friends that you’ve broken up and you don’t want to hear from him for a while. Again, this should be 1 to 2 weeks. You’ll be able to hear his name after you’ve fully healed.
3. Hate Him
This was really important in severing the tie between Shadow and I. Everything that he had done before that made me love him, I flipped into something I hated. I loathed everything! His hair, his taste in music, his stupid jokes, the way he was well liked; I hated everything he had done for me and to me. You need to change your perspective about the person. While he’s blocked, learn to see him with all his flaws and not accept them.
- Tell him you’re hating him (he’s supposed to be blocked and won’t care)
- Try to convince yourself that you’re being too harsh
- Post it anywhere on Social Media
It’ll happen, it happens to everyone. He slips into your DM’s again or finds a way to message you. It may not even be him but you. You see him and he says hello and suddenly you’re having sex like you used. It happens. You’re only human, but just as that happened your break up will happen again. If you’ve followed along you guys have only been separated for a month. That’s not nearly enough time to grow as a person and fix all the things that are wrong between the two of you let alone yourself. So, enjoy it while you can.
- Feel bad about yourself
- Go back to step 1, that’s a cycle not progress.
- Post it on Social Media, keep this shit to yourself.
5. Hate Him Again
After the first relapse don’t go back to the beginning, but continue where you left off. In fact, the reason you break up again, should be because of all the things you hate about him. The magic of the dick should have worn off. You should be seeing him clearly. You should see that he actually humiliates you. Or that you guys fight a lot more than you laugh. Or that the bad, by far, out weighs the good! Keep everything you hated about him and hate everything new! You should plan this take anywhere between 3 weeks to a month. Depending on how deeply involved you were. I wouldn’t go longer than a month though because I’m not trying to fill your life with hate. Too much hatred can consume you.
- Relapse again (fight it!)
6. New You!
Baby girl take in a deep breath of that fresh air! You are going to be reborn! In the next 3 to 6 months you’ll need to redefine yourself. Everything you knew about yourself will be different, because your past self has too much of ‘Him’ in you. The dress you wore on your first date. The t-shirt that used to smell so much like him. That lingerie you bought for Valentine’s day. Donate it. Throw it out. I don’t care. Little by little start adding things to your wardrobe to lift your self-esteem. Be brave, put on something you would have never thought of. Wear longer dresses, shorter ones, don’t wear dresses change to jeans only. Whatever it is, big or small start with the exterior. The way you look has a huge impact on how you feel. If you change the outside the inside changes along with it.
- Worry about pleasing anyone but yourself
- Over criticize yourself
- Forget to tag @lk30b430 on IG, FB, or Twitter!
7. New “Him”
Now that you’ve done this it’s about time to get that new guy. It’s time to move on. You’ve branded yourself as a new woman. Time for you to break the dick spell. This is the rebound guy. Be safe and be strong. Get yourself a hook up from a friend, a coworker, the bar, a library, guys are everywhere! If you’re not that type of woman, don’t worry about it. You can still date them. Just because you talk to them doesn’t mean you have to fuck them. That’s men logic.
- Lose sight of yourself
- Forget all that you’ve worked towards
- Forget to live big and live large!
- Forget your happiness is all that truly matters and someone who is toxic can’t help that happiness bloom.