Picking Friends

Friends come in different shapes and sizes. Some of them are eternal and some are lessons learned in life. Most importantly friends are a support system. They are a way for you to battle your demons. We are not meant to do things alone. However, picking the right type of friends is also important. These are people you are going to tell your secrets to. They are who you will go to for comfort and support. They are the ones who will keep you honest. Here’s a few things I’ve learned in picking friends.

Birds of a feather, flock together

This could not be more true. I’ve often found friends through mutual life crisis. When making mom friends you have to be careful who you pick. The kids need to get along because it’ll make it easier to hang out together. The mom can’t be someone who is doing better or worse than you.

If they’re doing better it will lead to envy and resentment. You’ll try to keep up with them and find yourself lacking. If they’re doing worse it’ll lead to pity and you’ll be their only support. It sounds bad to say but negativity can consume you. If they’re in the same rut that you are, that’s absolutely perfect. You can understand each other with few words and come up with ways to build each other up. This is how you make long lasting friendships. Understand that being in the same rut doesn’t always mean you’re both single and pregnant with your second child. It could mean the same mindset or going through similar problems in life.

Great minds think alike, but fools hardly differ

This serves as a reminder as well as a caution. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you can’t have non-mommy type friends. The caution behind this is that if you only have mom friends you lose track of yourself and the world around you. Your kids should be a part of your life not your entire life. Kids grow up fast and once they start to have their own life you’ll struggle trying to find yourself again.

You need single friends so that you can still go out for a night. You need single friends to appreciate what you have at home. You need single friends just in case you need a side piece but don’t know where to find it. Just kidding. . .maybe. As an added side note, you should also have married friends with no kids. They are so much fun! They are great to have for couple dates too. They’re also very helpful when it comes to those rare date nights.

Blood of the covenant is thicker than water in the womb

I love this quote. Although many know it as “Blood is thicker than water,” that is actually incorrect. It’s actually referring to the bond of friendship or comrades being stronger than family ties. For many of us this is true, for others not so much. Forming strong friendships isn’t only important for you it’s important for your kids as well. The way they interact with others is based on your interaction with your friends and strangers. They represent you in so many ways, building friendships is one of them. If you’re usually quiet and awkward and keep most of your friends on your phone or through text, they will suffer greatly. I know this from experience.

You want to make sure you set the right example. Friendships are worth building, growing, and maintaining. Although common beliefs regarding religion, politics, or social issues is important, it’s always good to have friends on the opposite side as well. It will teach your kids how to discuss topics and understand different points of view. It’s important to have friends on different sides of every spectrum. However, be sure to keep the circle small. You can have a group but be sure to have at least two close friends. This way you have your group hang outs but you also have your two or three friends you chat with.


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