Whether it’s my Facebook, my Snapchat, or my Instagram, you’ll definitely notice something about the pictures I share. My face is in nearly all of them. Whenever I meet a new guy and they do that weird Facebook request thing, it’s the first thing they notice when I add them. Then the questions and the comments begin: ‘You take a lot of selfies.’ ‘You really seem to like your face a lot.’ ‘Why do you have so many selfies?’ First of all, my face is fucking beautiful! I love how I look! It took me forever to be so confident in my image and in myself. I love the likes and the attention.
But in all seriousness, for me, it’s really about my confidence. I was an ugly awkward kid growing up. I am the second youngest of 6 kids. I had hand-me-downs from my sisters and my brothers. I had absolutely no fashion sense. There were little girls in my class with the nice dresses and the lace ruffled socks. I was a rock in a garden full of colorful flowers. The other girls had long soft hair that was always decorated nicely. My hair was a fucking curly mess. My little sister had light skin and gorgeous green eyes. My other sisters had a body and they looked nice in jeans. My brothers looked sporty and fashionable. Then there was me. I was just there. Honestly, I didn’t fit in with my family.
Every year in school came lice season. As soon as my mother got a notice from the school she’d shave my head! I went to school from pre-k to third grade with a shaved head. Everyone thought either I had lice or I was sick. They treated me “nicely” because of it. My brother reached puberty and blossomed into the traditional good-looking jock. I was his nerdy, ugly little sister. He would never cease to remind me. I had crooked teeth too so he’d cringe purposely in my face and tell me how ugly I was. The boys didn’t like me. The girls didn’t know what to do with me. I was an enigma.
Yes, looking back I realize it may not have been that dramatic. I am very awkward socially which may be why I couldn’t make friends easily. Still, it stung to be called ugly. I was envious of my little sister’s beauty. I hated taking pictures. I always thought I looked nice but I always came out looking like a dishrag. Then in high school it became more evident that I wasn’t nearly as pretty as all the other girls. I did what any other emotionally challenged teenager with no fashion sense would do. I accepted it. I was ugly. My hair was always wild and frizzy. My fashion ranged from tomboy to homeless person. I hated dresses. I hated make-up. I hated anything girly. I was a rebel.
Then I had Yoshi and I changed my outlook. I remember I was walking home one day and a friend from the hood looked at me. He said, “Is that you? Damn! You tell WhiteBoy he’s a lucky man.” I’m sure he was just being nice. He probably doesn’t remember it, but it made me very happy. Someone thought I was pretty, at least that’s how I interpreted it. The weirdest thing was that I believed it! I believed I was beautiful. After that, I had a complete wardrobe change; dresses, heels, make-up, I invested in all of it. Having watched soooo many women enviously I actually had a very good sense of fashion. I also have very attractive long legs that look even better in a short dress and high heels. I am a fucking babe! The revelation was just too much.
The confidence I began to feel was intoxicating. I know there are prettier women. I don’t really care anymore. I’m not competing. I’m enjoying my beauty. I’m enjoying me. Every bit of me! And now that I fixed my smile, I smile so much more! I like how beautiful I am. If you see my pictures and think it’s for attention, you’re probably right. I want to show myself off to the world! I want everyone to see me through my eyes. I want everyone who ever doubted me to see that I was an ugly duckling turned into a majestic swan. I know I have flaws. I see them every day but I choose to celebrate my beauty one selfie at a time. Not to say that I don’t take pictures of others. I just enjoy my face and body a lot more.
My point is this: don’t be afraid to take selfies just because you think others won’t like it. If you like the way you look, you’ll find more people like the way you look too. I guarantee it. Confidence is the most attractive tool you can use to explore and captivate your individuality. My point is also that I like how I look a lot and I have a lot of selfies to prove it. So don’t fucking come talking shit when you see my social media! You want to see what my life is like? You have to come live it with me. I keep my memories in my heart and take pictures of myself. Gives me more time to enjoy the world and the world more opportunity to enjoy me, the selfie queen.