Life is full of surprises. I have two to prove it. I put this in my list of things to do before I turned 30 because I wanted to return to the gorgeous mountainside. Unfortunately, that’s not happening before I turn thirty. I lived in Colorado for five years. It was all on a whim. Growing up, I had anxiety leaving home. I couldn’t stray too far from home. I’d get nervous and anxious. It was weird. I didn’t tell anyone. There wasn’t anyone to tell. I didn’t understand it. As I got older I had an urge to travel. I wanted to see the world but I was trapped. I could barely go to the park by myself and it was only 3 blocks away. Even when riding with friends or family it was hard for me to just hang out.
When I decided to move to Colorado for the first time, it was very sudden. I always jump before I look because sometimes I tend to look too long and miss my chance. I remember applying to jobs in different states. I had no connections, no apartment, no money. I had nothing but Yoshi. I was three months pregnant when I was offered a job with AmeriCorps in Colorado. I remember I was so excited. I was finally going on an adventure! Shadow completely supported me. He had been wanting to leave Chicago forever and he saw this as his opportunity as well.
We drove with only $3000 in my pocket that my father had lent me and all my clothes. I left Yoshi with my mother temporarily. I cried the first time I saw the mountains. Being afraid to venture into the world and then moving to a new state was overwhelming. It freed me. It completely changed my internal programming. I saw it as a small stepping stone as opposed to the huge leap it was. I fell in love with it instantly. I had never been to Colorado before that moment but it reminded me so much of Mexico. Not the tourist areas. It reminded me of the small towns my father and mother came from. It reminded me of summers spent with my cousins which were the happiest days of my life.
It felt like freedom and new things. It is a beautiful place. I was sad to leave it when I did. After everything that happened with Shadow, however, I needed to go back and collect myself. I needed to figure myself out again. Two years later and I was ready to return. I feel like I have unfinished business there. Like I didn’t complete a level in life while in Colorado. It’s an itch that I can ignore for now. When I decided to move back, I realized it was a lot harder now. Now, I knew what to expect and how to prepare. It was harder to leap with my eyes closed. I weighed the pro’s and con’s. I was unhappy at work. I hardly had enough money for myself and my kids. I didn’t travel as much anymore.
I thought that’s what Colorado could give me. Being in Colorado I was able to travel to other cities and slowly my world began to grow. I have since then understood that it isn’t about where you are but where you are going in life that makes you happy. I know, cheesy right? My boss seemed to have sensed my internal struggle. I also might have blown up in front of her. Regardless of that, she offered me a promotion. She doesn’t know but I had a job offer in Colorado. Her promotion matched what they were willing to offer without her knowing it. I truly believe things happen for a reason. I spoke to a lot of people about my situation.
Then my mind came to a conclusion after reading a meme. It said: ‘You asking for a sign, is a sign.’ And that was that. Just as I had leaped to move to Colorado. I took a step back and decided to stay. My family was thrilled of course. The kids were easily convinced. My boss was none the wiser. (Which may change after she reads this. Sorry!) I moved to a cheaper slightly smaller apartment. I realized what I’d be missing if I left now. I have more to lose now in moving then I did when I moved back then. When I had moved the first time, I didn’t have a job. I was living off of Shadow and I was young.
Now, I’m making it on my own. I know staying in one place to acquire more experience is a lot more useful than starting over somewhere else. I have a bigger support system here because of my family. My friends are still far away. When I had moved they had started their lives here and when I came back they all began to scatter. Now, there’s friends in Los Angeles, Seattle, Boston, and the Netherlands. I want to think that I inspired them. Maybe in some small way I did. I know what my options are and the great thing is that Colorado will still be there. When I went the first time it was to expand my world. Now, when I go back it will be after I’ve expanded my knowledge and my life.